1 00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:04,920 ♪ It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,989 --> 00:00:08,223 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,291 --> 00:00:11,810 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,812 ♪ On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,881 --> 00:00:18,317 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:21,669 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,738 --> 00:00:23,299 ♪ All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:24,639 ♪ Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:30,011 ♪ He's a family guy ♪ 10 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,331 Hey, thanks for helping me pick out a new computer, you guys. 11 00:00:38,355 --> 00:00:39,865 Oh, no problem, Quagmire. 12 00:00:39,889 --> 00:00:41,801 God, this place is always so crowded. 13 00:00:41,825 --> 00:00:43,336 We got to find someone who works here. 14 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:44,404 Can I help you, sir? 15 00:00:44,428 --> 00:00:46,506 Sorry, all I got is a quarter, pal. 16 00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:47,640 Oh, excuse me, sir. 17 00:00:47,664 --> 00:00:49,709 My buddy here is looking for a computer. 18 00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:51,967 I would like to elect you president. 19 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,699 What are you doing? You gonna get a new phone while we're here? 20 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,234 Maybe. But I got to see which one 21 00:00:58,258 --> 00:01:00,592 I want to take in and out of my pocket every 30 seconds 22 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:01,893 for the next six years. 23 00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,139 What do you think, Peter? 24 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:04,345 Peter? 25 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:07,165 I touched a iPhone headphone. 26 00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:10,980 You know what? I think I'm gonna go with this one. 27 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,049 Guy said it's the newest version. Just came out this week. 28 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,551 Ah, good call, Quagmire. 29 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,019 You're gonna be like the first guy in the neighborhood 30 00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:17,425 to own a Model T. 31 00:01:19,864 --> 00:01:20,996 See ya, suckers! 32 00:01:21,065 --> 00:01:22,642 I'll be there an hour after you 33 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,566 with throw-up all over my legs! 34 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,184 Are you getting excited for Halloween, Stewie? 35 00:01:31,208 --> 00:01:33,737 You know, we'll have to start thinking about your costume soon. 36 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,488 All right, but let's make sure we don't cover up 37 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,711 this, all right? 38 00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:38,981 It's what puts candy in the bag. 39 00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:40,860 Oh, look, Chris, here's your costume 40 00:01:40,884 --> 00:01:43,502 from the year you went as a condom. 41 00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:45,598 What the hell are you supposed to be? 42 00:01:45,622 --> 00:01:48,540 Oh, Stewie, look! 43 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,890 It's your very first teddy bear! 44 00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:54,579 Oscar? 45 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,431 Wow. I remember that bear. 46 00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,345 That's the one Grandma and Grandpa brought Stewie 47 00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:00,285 when he was still in the hospital. 48 00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,303 Oh. And here's the card they sent me. 49 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:06,741 "Three kids on $40,000? Have fun with your crap life." 50 00:02:06,810 --> 00:02:08,621 I guess he got tucked away up here. 51 00:02:08,645 --> 00:02:10,565 You want him back, sweetie? 52 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:15,017 What, this old thing? 53 00:02:15,085 --> 00:02:16,985 No, no, thank you. I've grown. I've changed. 54 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,297 You sure you don't want him? 55 00:02:18,321 --> 00:02:19,988 I said no, okay? 56 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:22,924 Don't you have a wedding dress to try halfway on and then cry about? 57 00:02:27,331 --> 00:02:29,181 Hello? 58 00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:30,443 Oh, hey, Quagmire. What's up? 59 00:02:30,467 --> 00:02:32,345 Hey, Peter, I need some help with my computer. 60 00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:33,468 I can't find my photos. 61 00:02:33,536 --> 00:02:34,647 Did you look under "Photos"? 62 00:02:34,671 --> 00:02:35,703 What is that? 63 00:02:35,773 --> 00:02:36,950 It's a folder called "Photos." 64 00:02:36,974 --> 00:02:38,240 Yeah, I don't have that. 65 00:02:38,308 --> 00:02:40,575 I just have 40 folders all called "New Folder." 66 00:02:40,644 --> 00:02:42,521 Okay. You know what? Click on your hard drive. 67 00:02:42,545 --> 00:02:45,113 Okay, now, now the arrow on the screen, that's me, right? 68 00:02:45,182 --> 00:02:46,993 Yeah, yeah, that's you. Okay, now just... 69 00:02:47,017 --> 00:02:49,129 Whoa, whoa, whoa! There's a calculator on this thing? 70 00:02:49,153 --> 00:02:51,197 Listen, Quagmire, what are you trying to do? 71 00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:52,598 I just want to put pictures of my cat 72 00:02:52,622 --> 00:02:53,900 on everyone's Internet computer. 73 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,323 Like, how do I do that? 74 00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:57,103 Okay, wait. There's an agreement that just popped up. 75 00:02:57,127 --> 00:02:58,571 Hang on. Let me read the whole thing. 76 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,028 Just hit "Accept." 77 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,363 Well, that seems a little foolhardy, doesn't it, Peter? 78 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,543 Look, do we have to do this now? I'm watching something. 79 00:03:04,567 --> 00:03:06,034 I know. I'm sorry. 80 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,647 I'm just nervous that somebody else is gonna get pictures 81 00:03:07,671 --> 00:03:09,237 of their cat on the Internet first, 82 00:03:09,306 --> 00:03:11,226 and then I'll always be known as the second guy 83 00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:12,835 to get pictures of his cat on the Internet. 84 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,470 Quagmire, I don't know how to tell you this, 85 00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:16,206 but there's already cats on the Internet. 86 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,929 Wait, it's giving me that pinwheel thing. 87 00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:19,163 It's frozen. 88 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,777 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it crashed! 89 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,083 The whole thing just crashed! 90 00:03:22,152 --> 00:03:24,080 Geez, Quagmire, calm down. We'll figure it out. 91 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:26,688 No, Peter, the whole thing's fried! I can't even... Ahhh! 92 00:03:26,757 --> 00:03:28,567 Damn it! What the hell? 93 00:03:28,591 --> 00:03:30,325 Hey, you clicked "Accept." 94 00:03:34,498 --> 00:03:36,542 Hey, what's going on? You doing some reading there? 95 00:03:36,566 --> 00:03:38,144 Yes, well, you know I turn to poetry 96 00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:40,785 when matters of the heart weigh heavily on me. 97 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,071 "If you're happy and you know it, 98 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,874 "then your face will surely show it. 99 00:03:45,942 --> 00:03:48,276 "If you're happy and you know it, 100 00:03:48,344 --> 00:03:50,028 "clap your hands." 101 00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,429 Anonymous. 102 00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,326 Wait, matters of the heart? What are you talking about? 103 00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:56,868 Well, Lois found my old teddy bear, Oscar, in the attic. 104 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,614 And I'm just not sure how to handle it, 105 00:03:58,638 --> 00:03:59,938 what with Rupert and all. 106 00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:01,523 Who cares? Just play with them both. 107 00:04:01,591 --> 00:04:02,769 I can't do that! 108 00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:04,136 Oh! It would be so awkward! 109 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,760 Um... Okay. 110 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,429 Oscar was my... 111 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,091 Well, he was my first, you know. 112 00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:10,548 And that's always exciting. 113 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,028 But I've been with Rupert for so long now. Uh-huh. 114 00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:14,897 Most of our finances are intertwined. 115 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,588 We've built a life together. 116 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,456 On the other hand, Oscar... 117 00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:21,036 Well, Oscar's the only one who can really make me laugh. 118 00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:22,639 I hate to say it, but I'm mostly 119 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,173 with Rupert because of his insurance. 120 00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:25,877 Stewie, I think you're overthinking this. 121 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,042 No, you're right. You're right, Brian. 122 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:28,244 I'm with Rupert now. 123 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,834 I just need to forget Oscar. 124 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,303 No matter how intense our relationship was. 125 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,193 That's amazing. 126 00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,562 It's like you took all the colors that exist 127 00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:43,331 and said, "Fuck it, here's a new one." 128 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,470 Hi, can I help you? 129 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,817 Well, that depends. Do you know how to fix pieces of junk? 130 00:04:51,841 --> 00:04:53,708 Haven't been stumped yet. 131 00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:58,558 Okay, I see what your problem is. 132 00:04:58,582 --> 00:05:00,615 I tried to buy a sweater online, 133 00:05:00,684 --> 00:05:02,517 and I think I got a virus. 134 00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:04,864 No, the porn's not the problem. 135 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,666 Your browser history shows that 136 00:05:06,690 --> 00:05:08,435 you've been going to kinkylatinas.net. 137 00:05:08,459 --> 00:05:09,735 But that site has a bunch of malware. 138 00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:11,159 Oh. 139 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,228 Personally, I'd recommend College Latinas. 140 00:05:13,297 --> 00:05:16,030 I mean, I want to see Latinas, but I also want them to... 141 00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,094 Speak English. speak English. Yes, exactly. 142 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,635 Wow. So you're into that kind of stuff, too? 143 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:22,604 Uh-huh. 144 00:05:24,208 --> 00:05:25,256 Would you, uh, 145 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,565 would you have dinner with me? 146 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:27,693 Absolutely. 147 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:28,777 Excuse me. 148 00:05:28,846 --> 00:05:31,079 I bought this laptop here yesterday, 149 00:05:31,148 --> 00:05:32,480 but when I got home 150 00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:35,283 I noticed the apple already had a bite taken out of it! 151 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:42,935 So, yeah, I was the first woman 152 00:05:42,959 --> 00:05:44,959 to ride her bike cross-country with no seat. 153 00:05:45,028 --> 00:05:46,328 Gosh, that's neat, Sonja. 154 00:05:46,396 --> 00:05:47,636 And where'd you go to college? 155 00:05:47,697 --> 00:05:49,942 I think Syracuse, but I don't know. 156 00:05:49,966 --> 00:05:52,467 My face was buried in a pillow all four years. 157 00:05:52,536 --> 00:05:54,802 Wow, sounds like you took a full class load. 158 00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:59,802 Oh, Glenn, I'm so glad you asked me out. 159 00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:01,220 Whenever I talk about stuff like this, 160 00:06:01,244 --> 00:06:04,490 most people look at me like I'm some kind of disgusting perv. 161 00:06:04,514 --> 00:06:05,680 Me, too, but who cares? 162 00:06:05,748 --> 00:06:07,508 You should never be afraid to be different. 163 00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:08,568 Hoo. 164 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:09,951 Hoo. 165 00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:11,819 Whom. 166 00:06:16,093 --> 00:06:17,275 Morning. 167 00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:20,044 Morning. 168 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,481 We kind of had a crazy night. 169 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,399 Yeah, we... Did we? 170 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:25,767 I don't really remember, 171 00:06:25,836 --> 00:06:27,956 but I do feel like I might be down a couple of quarts. 172 00:06:29,038 --> 00:06:31,556 Well, even though you seemed like a sure thing, 173 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,875 I really wanted to make sure. 174 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,129 Oh, my God! You roofied me? 175 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,564 Are you mad? 176 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:40,899 No. 177 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,833 I'm in love! 178 00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,666 Sonja, honey, stay right here. 179 00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:47,833 I just have to go to the bathroom. 180 00:06:47,857 --> 00:06:49,524 Wait, Glenn. 181 00:06:49,592 --> 00:06:50,992 Take this wine glass. 182 00:06:51,061 --> 00:06:52,777 We can use it later. 183 00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,295 My God, I... 184 00:06:54,364 --> 00:06:56,547 I've never been so happy! 185 00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:05,090 I'm telling you guys, Sonja is the perfect woman. 186 00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:07,826 She's every bit as kinky and as insatiable as I am. 187 00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,356 Really? I thought you said she was just some computer geek. 188 00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:14,399 She is. Her vagina has enough storage space for a giggity-byte. Oh! 189 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,203 Geez, you changed your relationship status already? 190 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,604 When you know, you know. 191 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,050 All right, but just be careful, you know? 192 00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,291 You don't want to rush an important decision. 193 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,680 I'll take the cheeseburger meal. 194 00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,839 Would you like to make it an extra-large meal? 195 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,045 Uh... 196 00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:55,823 No. 197 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,142 Yes. No. 198 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,661 You sure? It's only 29 cents more. 199 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,262 Yes. 200 00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:02,330 No. 201 00:08:07,337 --> 00:08:08,986 What the hell? 202 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,352 Stewie, what are you doing up here? 203 00:08:13,376 --> 00:08:14,809 Brian! 204 00:08:14,878 --> 00:08:16,055 It's not what you think! 205 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,890 All right, I came up here for a photo shoot 206 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,825 and it just got way, way out of hand! 207 00:08:19,849 --> 00:08:22,417 You're having tea. How is that out of hand? 208 00:08:22,486 --> 00:08:23,862 Is your shirt on backwards? 209 00:08:23,886 --> 00:08:26,031 Please! You can't tell Rupert I was up here, all right? 210 00:08:26,055 --> 00:08:27,222 He wouldn't understand. 211 00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:28,789 He'll kill himself, Brian! 212 00:08:28,858 --> 00:08:31,221 He's been through so much already. He can't take much more! 213 00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:34,195 Brian, he watched his brother drown! 214 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,910 Stewie, relax. You're getting all worked up over nothing. 215 00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:40,135 Says the guy who freaks out every time a fire engine goes by. 216 00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,259 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 217 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:46,786 Peter, Peter, you hear that? 218 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,178 I'm matching the sound! 219 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,683 Is what I'm doing helping? 220 00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,771 Glenn, why did you bring me here? 221 00:09:00,824 --> 00:09:02,368 Well, I've always had this fantasy 222 00:09:02,392 --> 00:09:03,869 of having sex on the basketball court 223 00:09:03,893 --> 00:09:05,538 in front of my high school principal. 224 00:09:05,562 --> 00:09:08,063 Only problem is he's now completely senile. 225 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,083 Yeah, you like this, Principal Goodrich, huh? 226 00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:15,097 Remember you once suspended me for showing my wiener in school? 227 00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:16,320 I did? 228 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,368 This isn't as much fun as I thought it would be. 229 00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,303 I'm sorry, Sonja, I don't think I can finish. 230 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,110 You never could finish, Quagmire! 231 00:09:22,178 --> 00:09:23,811 Donahue, get in there! 232 00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:29,116 Okay, Glenn, now that we've covered ourselves in black ink, 233 00:09:29,185 --> 00:09:30,618 let's do it until we've created 234 00:09:30,687 --> 00:09:33,321 every character in the Chinese alphabet. 235 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,949 When all said and done, 236 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:48,302 Quagmire body tell story of sadness. 237 00:09:51,574 --> 00:09:54,459 Oh, wow, I can't even imagine what twisted, deviant act 238 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,793 you've thought of this time. 239 00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:59,180 I want you to have sex with your father. 240 00:09:59,248 --> 00:10:00,314 What? Yep. 241 00:10:00,383 --> 00:10:01,849 And I'm gonna watch. 242 00:10:01,918 --> 00:10:03,462 Hi, Glenn. Are you crazy? 243 00:10:03,486 --> 00:10:04,953 No! No way! 244 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,421 Glenn, remember, the thing we love most about each other 245 00:10:07,490 --> 00:10:10,624 is that we push each other way beyond our normal boundaries. 246 00:10:12,828 --> 00:10:14,857 Did you enjoy your stay at the Marriott? 247 00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,598 No, I did not. 248 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:23,521 Oh, well, excuse me for not being six months old anymore! 249 00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:25,322 Oh, and here come the tears! 250 00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:28,191 The show is starting, everyone! Come on down! 251 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,958 What's all that noise? What the hell's going on up there? 252 00:10:32,982 --> 00:10:34,644 We're in a fight is what's going on! 253 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,851 Brian, I need you to settle an argument for us. 254 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:38,003 Am I Hitler? 255 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,615 Because I don't think that I am, 256 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,384 but maybe I'm off base on this. 257 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:43,842 Stewie, take it easy. 258 00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:45,754 No, you know what? You may as well call your family now 259 00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:47,556 because I'm not going to Sarasota. 260 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,993 I don't care if we can't get a refund, we're through! 261 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,298 Here, Brian, you take him. Maybe you can make him happy. 262 00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:53,880 What? You heard me. Take him. 263 00:10:53,904 --> 00:10:55,314 Do whatever you want with him, I don't care. 264 00:10:55,338 --> 00:10:56,905 Rupert and I are over! 265 00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:58,873 Are you sure? Yes, we're done. 266 00:10:58,942 --> 00:11:00,352 I just hope we can handle it better than 267 00:11:00,376 --> 00:11:02,438 blue and yellow did when they split up. 268 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,323 You were supposed to have the kids here by 5:00. 269 00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:05,513 We have plans. 270 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:08,182 It's 5:15. Stop busting my hump, Alicia. 271 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,663 Okay, you know what, let's not do this in front of the kids. 272 00:11:10,687 --> 00:11:11,952 God, you're right. 273 00:11:12,021 --> 00:11:13,388 What ever happened to us? 274 00:11:13,456 --> 00:11:15,268 Hey, baby, you ready for dinner? 275 00:11:15,292 --> 00:11:18,572 What's up, Scott? We gonna get some barbecue. 276 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:23,575 - Hey, guys. - No, no, no. 277 00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:24,777 Indoors, not okay. Don't do it. 278 00:11:24,801 --> 00:11:26,011 No, no, no. Nighttime, not allowed. 279 00:11:26,035 --> 00:11:27,379 What? There's nothing wrong with this. 280 00:11:27,403 --> 00:11:29,123 No, no way, give me those. 281 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:31,806 Oh, my God. 282 00:11:31,874 --> 00:11:33,307 Quagmire, what the hell happened? 283 00:11:33,376 --> 00:11:36,039 Is this another one of those sex-related injuries you keep getting? 284 00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,396 Yeah, it seems like lately that girlfriend of yours 285 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,065 is taking things a little too far. 286 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,173 No, she's not. Everything's great with us. 287 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,407 Are you guys still talking about Sonja? 288 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,087 All right, I should probably get going. 289 00:12:08,111 --> 00:12:11,812 Sonja and I are supposed to go to a Brown Eyes Wide Shut party. 290 00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:13,676 Geez, I don't know what's going on with him. 291 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,744 But I guess love does funny things to people. 292 00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:17,101 Look at Forrest Gump. 293 00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,469 Hi, Forrest. 294 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,188 I know you just got back from Vietnam and you love me, 295 00:12:21,257 --> 00:12:23,157 but I'm gonna go run a train with 296 00:12:23,226 --> 00:12:25,059 this group of Black Panthers I just met. 297 00:12:25,128 --> 00:12:26,760 Okay, Jenny. 298 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,113 Hi, Forrest. 299 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,259 I know you came all this way to New York to visit me, 300 00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:33,651 but I'm gonna go do blow and have sex with a bunch of stockbrokers. 301 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,436 Okay, Jenny. 302 00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,621 Hi, Forrest. 303 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,489 Now that I have the most contagious 304 00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,324 and incurable disease known to mankind, 305 00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,309 I'll finally have pity sex with you. 306 00:12:42,379 --> 00:12:43,811 Okay, Jenny. 307 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:47,214 And I'll mow the grass and raise the AIDS baby. 308 00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:51,986 Hey, sexy. 309 00:12:52,055 --> 00:12:54,188 Sonja, what are you doing here? 310 00:12:54,257 --> 00:12:56,719 Well, I got tired of waiting for you to get home, 311 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,910 so I thought I'd come to you. 312 00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:01,307 Come on, Sonja. How about we take a night off, huh? 313 00:13:01,331 --> 00:13:03,331 The sex has just been nonstop. 314 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,100 I mean, I understand that "no" doesn't mean "no," 315 00:13:06,169 --> 00:13:08,769 but certainly some word has got to mean "no." 316 00:13:11,608 --> 00:13:13,419 This is one of your fantasies, right? 317 00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:14,520 Public humiliation? 318 00:13:15,611 --> 00:13:17,211 Mmm. It's sexy, isn't it? 319 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,383 Sonja, stop, please! 320 00:13:22,452 --> 00:13:24,018 Come on, you love it. 321 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,874 Ow! Ow! 322 00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:32,527 You're hurting me, and I really need t o clean out my trunk! 323 00:13:32,596 --> 00:13:34,523 Oh, I'm gonna clean out your trunk. 324 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:35,580 Giggity. 325 00:13:35,632 --> 00:13:37,552 That's my word. That's my word! 326 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,406 Okay, Joe, Joe, you're drunk, okay? 327 00:13:45,474 --> 00:13:47,341 You're drunk, give me your keys. 328 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:50,577 And I'm drunk, so I'll give you my keys. 329 00:13:50,646 --> 00:13:52,997 Okay, now we're both good to drive home. 330 00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,015 You been drinking tonight, sir? 331 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:02,823 No, Officer, I just had a glass of dinner with my wine. 332 00:14:02,892 --> 00:14:04,970 Okay, I'm gonna need you to step out of the car 333 00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:07,278 and walk a straight line, please. 334 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,725 All right, you be safe, sir. 335 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:12,083 There's a lot of crazies out there tonight. 336 00:14:21,411 --> 00:14:23,155 Oh, hey, Mr. And Mrs. Quagmire. 337 00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:25,391 Hi, Peter. I'm a little worried about Glenn. 338 00:14:25,415 --> 00:14:27,165 I haven't heard from him in days. 339 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,234 Have you seen him? 340 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,361 I haven't seen anybody. 341 00:14:29,385 --> 00:14:31,213 I've been grounded for pinching a girl. 342 00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:33,387 Hey, are you guys talking about Quagmire? 343 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,889 He never showed this morning, 344 00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,659 and today's the day we usually go apple picking. 345 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:38,993 Get that one. 346 00:14:39,061 --> 00:14:40,101 Get that one! 347 00:14:40,163 --> 00:14:41,695 Hey, get that one. 348 00:14:41,764 --> 00:14:43,063 Get that one over there. 349 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,532 No, not that one. 350 00:14:44,601 --> 00:14:46,200 I already got it! I can't put it back! 351 00:14:46,269 --> 00:14:47,679 Well, it's not going in the pie. 352 00:14:47,703 --> 00:14:49,181 Well, if you're so smart, why don't you come up here 353 00:14:49,205 --> 00:14:50,205 and pick them yourself? 354 00:14:50,273 --> 00:14:52,907 And now there's no pie at all. 355 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,542 I've already checked Glenn's house, 356 00:14:54,610 --> 00:14:56,188 and there's no sign he's even been there. 357 00:14:56,212 --> 00:14:57,907 I'm afraid something terrible has happened. 358 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,647 Now let's not jump to any conclusions. 359 00:14:59,716 --> 00:15:01,849 I'm sure if we just check his usual hangouts, 360 00:15:01,918 --> 00:15:03,184 someone will have seen him. 361 00:15:03,252 --> 00:15:05,013 Wait a second. He hangs out at the Clam 362 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,337 with some fat loudmouth. 363 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,872 You find Loudy McFatass, you find Quagmire. 364 00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:10,035 Come on, let's go. 365 00:15:10,059 --> 00:15:12,676 But, Dad, it's the night of my big show. 366 00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,379 Oh, Chris, I was never gonna go to that. 367 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,247 We should get some food in you, mister. 368 00:15:21,271 --> 00:15:22,881 You hardly ate any of that cereal 369 00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:24,416 I smashed on your mouth yesterday. 370 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,806 Brian? 371 00:15:26,609 --> 00:15:27,642 Oh. Hey. 372 00:15:27,711 --> 00:15:29,059 What the hell are you doing? 373 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,596 Oh, I've been kind of using Rupert as a chew toy. 374 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,097 Chewing him with your crotch? 375 00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,750 Hey, dogs like humping stuffed animals. What can I say? 376 00:15:35,818 --> 00:15:37,546 Besides, you said I could have Rupert. 377 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:38,981 I thought you liked Oscar better anyway. 378 00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:40,504 Well, I just changed my mind. 379 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:43,107 And you know Rupert's a dude, right, you gaylord? 380 00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:48,574 Okay, you guys, where should we start looking for Glenn? 381 00:15:48,598 --> 00:15:50,464 Well, sometimes Quagmire likes to hang out 382 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,232 under all the clutter in my garage. 383 00:15:52,301 --> 00:15:55,670 So, why don't we just start sorting stuff and throwing stuff away 384 00:15:55,738 --> 00:15:58,405 but obviously checking with me first before you throw stuff away. 385 00:15:58,474 --> 00:15:59,791 No problem, Peter. 386 00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:02,260 Quagmire, if you're in there, hang tight, buddy. 387 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,408 We're coming. 388 00:16:03,446 --> 00:16:05,174 Right, and if we can't find him in here, 389 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:08,599 he sometimes likes to hang out in between the blades of grass in my lawn. 390 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,918 And also, in the firewood that needs to be split. 391 00:16:10,987 --> 00:16:12,804 Might he be under the leaves in your gutter? 392 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,471 Great question and yes, he might. 393 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,340 So, while you guys are taking care of that, 394 00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:18,092 I'll be around back flicking pinecones 395 00:16:18,161 --> 00:16:19,777 at a tree with this hockey stick. 396 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:27,000 Aloha. Welcome to Ryan's Hawaiians. 397 00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,936 Hey, how you doing? Amazing. 398 00:16:29,004 --> 00:16:30,421 Have you seen this man? 399 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,705 Glenn Quagmire? 400 00:16:31,775 --> 00:16:34,075 No, the last time I saw him was three months ago. 401 00:16:34,144 --> 00:16:36,243 Sold him 70 red shirts. 402 00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:37,856 He does look good in that shirt. 403 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,114 Uh, everyone looks good in my shirts. 404 00:16:40,183 --> 00:16:41,549 How about you, Big Island? 405 00:16:41,618 --> 00:16:43,150 Uh, I don't know. 406 00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:46,587 Do you want to be an oldies' DJ or a 1980s wrestling manager? 407 00:16:46,656 --> 00:16:48,623 Yes, both. 408 00:16:48,691 --> 00:16:50,357 This is beautiful. 409 00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:51,659 Heart disease looks better 410 00:16:51,728 --> 00:16:54,194 when it's wrapped in a tropical, floral pattern. 411 00:16:57,366 --> 00:16:59,483 Oh, my God, this is hopeless. 412 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,946 We've been searching for hours. 413 00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:02,614 Glenn could be dead by now. 414 00:17:02,638 --> 00:17:05,372 I know, and if you guys are really hungry, I suppose I could eat. 415 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,752 Come on, we can't give up. 416 00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,687 Someone's got to have seen Quagmire. 417 00:17:08,711 --> 00:17:10,489 Or if not him, at least Sonja. 418 00:17:10,513 --> 00:17:12,408 Excuse me, did you just say "Sonja"? 419 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:13,464 Yes, I did! 420 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,099 That was my dog's name. 421 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,084 Excuse me, did he just say "Sonja"? 422 00:17:17,153 --> 00:17:18,297 Yeah, it was his dog's name. 423 00:17:18,321 --> 00:17:19,821 Oh. I thought he might have been 424 00:17:19,889 --> 00:17:21,489 talking about this super kinky woman 425 00:17:21,558 --> 00:17:24,425 who's always down here, trying to lure men to her sex slave shed. 426 00:17:24,494 --> 00:17:26,272 No, I think he was talking about his dog. 427 00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,741 No, Peter, that's the Sonja we're looking for. 428 00:17:28,765 --> 00:17:30,559 Sonja must have taken Glenn there. 429 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,811 Where exactly is this sex slave shed? 430 00:17:32,835 --> 00:17:35,703 I'm not sure, but I've heard she has a unit at Quahog Storage. 431 00:17:35,771 --> 00:17:37,772 Apparently, that chick's a complete psycho. 432 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,774 We got to get over there! Come on, you guys, let's go! 433 00:17:40,843 --> 00:17:43,377 Oh, man, I hope we don't catch them doing something freaky. 434 00:17:43,446 --> 00:17:45,206 I'm still weirded out from when I walked in 435 00:17:45,248 --> 00:17:46,881 on that masturbating Eskimo. 436 00:17:48,083 --> 00:17:49,267 Dinner time, Tikaloo. 437 00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:50,335 Oh, my God! 438 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,085 Doesn't anybody knock? 439 00:17:55,758 --> 00:17:59,060 Hey, Stewie, look, I want to apologize about earlier. 440 00:17:59,128 --> 00:18:00,394 What the hell is this? 441 00:18:00,462 --> 00:18:02,930 Brian, I think it's time that Rupert made his choice. 442 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:04,093 What are you talking about? 443 00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,466 Talking about love, Bri. 444 00:18:05,535 --> 00:18:07,145 Talking about adult decisions. 445 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,370 Rupert's been with me, and now he's been with you. 446 00:18:09,438 --> 00:18:10,938 It's time for him to pick. 447 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,766 Stewie, this is stupid. I'm not doing this. 448 00:18:12,809 --> 00:18:14,074 Brian, either you cooperate 449 00:18:14,143 --> 00:18:16,560 or I blow my Adam Levine dog whistle. 450 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,562 Hey, my voice isn't that high. 451 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,631 It is. 452 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:20,898 It is though. 453 00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:22,928 All right, Rupert. Who will it be? 454 00:18:22,952 --> 00:18:24,129 And before you answer, 455 00:18:24,153 --> 00:18:26,198 think of all the good times we've had. 456 00:18:26,222 --> 00:18:29,322 The time we met The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show, 457 00:18:29,391 --> 00:18:31,554 that winter we lived on the sun, 458 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,894 and here's my favorite. 459 00:18:33,962 --> 00:18:37,214 A blank one we can fill up with a future together. 460 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,689 Yes! Oh, my God, 461 00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,569 Rupert, I'm so sorry for everything! 462 00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:48,992 I missed you, too! 463 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,243 Whatever. 464 00:18:50,312 --> 00:18:52,312 Hey, you done with that weird octopus doll? 465 00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:56,200 It's you and me forever, Rupert. 466 00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:58,619 I just hope Oscar didn't take it too hard. 467 00:19:08,197 --> 00:19:09,530 This is it, number 92. 468 00:19:09,599 --> 00:19:10,914 This is Sonja's storage unit. 469 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,351 Quagmire, are you in there? 470 00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,587 Oh, he's eating. 471 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,295 We'll come back when you're done eating. 472 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,630 Glenn! 473 00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,343 Hurry, she'll be back soon. 474 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:30,845 I can't believe the guy with the ponytail and the facial tattoo 475 00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:32,581 at the front desk would let this happen. 476 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,121 Well, what's this? 477 00:19:34,791 --> 00:19:36,040 We got company? 478 00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:37,375 Hold it right there. 479 00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:38,443 Please. 480 00:19:38,494 --> 00:19:40,544 Do you think I'm afraid of you? 481 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:43,742 Boy, if you were ever gonna stand, this would be the time, Joe. 482 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,527 Everybody, just shut up! 483 00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:48,385 You idiots should've minded your own business. 484 00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:50,955 This is our business. You kidnapped our friend. 485 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,322 You're going to jail. 486 00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:54,524 Don't come any closer or I'll shoot you! 487 00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,410 Oh, I don't think you're gonna shoot me. 488 00:19:56,479 --> 00:19:58,044 You don't got the boobs. 489 00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,891 What? I don't know. 490 00:19:59,915 --> 00:20:01,982 Now, just hand me the gun, Sonja. 491 00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,184 Oh, I swear to God, you get one inch closer to me, 492 00:20:04,253 --> 00:20:05,319 and I'm gonna shoot you. 493 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,592 What the hell? 494 00:20:12,762 --> 00:20:14,761 Like I said, you're going to jail. 495 00:20:14,830 --> 00:20:16,741 Oh, my God, Joe, that was so close. 496 00:20:16,765 --> 00:20:18,277 How'd you know the gun would jam? 497 00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,835 It didn't jam, Peter. The gun was never loaded. 498 00:20:20,903 --> 00:20:22,969 Sort of had a mental breakdown in April. 499 00:20:23,038 --> 00:20:25,005 No more bullets for this guy. 500 00:20:25,074 --> 00:20:27,419 Oh, Glenn, I was so worried about you. 501 00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:29,021 Are you all right? No, no, 502 00:20:29,045 --> 00:20:31,545 I'm pretty fucking far from all right. 503 00:20:31,614 --> 00:20:33,974 Well, I guess this is as good a time as any. 504 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,816 Happy birthday, Joe. 505 00:20:35,884 --> 00:20:37,084 You dick! 506 00:20:40,756 --> 00:20:42,106 Thanks for your help, guys. 507 00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,941 I might not be alive if it weren't for you. 508 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,342 Hey, no problem, buddy. 509 00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,539 Yeah, you'd have done the same for us, Quagmire. 510 00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:49,425 You know, I guess what I realize from all this 511 00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,248 is that when it comes to relationships, 512 00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:52,917 I need to be the kinky one. 513 00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:55,414 And I need to be the one who throws bar nuts in everybody's face. 514 00:20:55,438 --> 00:20:56,803 Right, Joe? 515 00:20:57,973 --> 00:20:59,151 That is so you. 516 00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,308 We're just glad to have you back, Quagmire. 517 00:21:01,377 --> 00:21:04,817 Yep, and it's good to put all those troubles behind us. 518 00:21:05,548 --> 00:21:07,381 My dad's pregnant with my kid.